Poisonous Love
by Elphaba-TheDefiant
Summary: We've always seen Emily pining after Alison but after Alison does something irreemably bad the roles switch. Alison is left in a state of complete depression but Emily is damaged...perhaps beyond repair. AU future-fic. Strong T for mentions of abuse, curse words and downright cruelty. NOTICE - Now a twoshot!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I know, I know! I should be finishing Summer Fling but this idea would not leave me alone! So here is my first foray into sadder fics!**

Gone. She was gone. My beautiful, funny, sweet, innocent, amazing Emily had left. It was my fault. I know it was my fault. She was definitely right to leave. I was a complete and utter bitch to her and she deserved better. It was stupid, really. I had been having a terrible day. Work had been stressful and this guy had kept coming onto me, refusing to accept that I had a girlfriend. So when I came home, I was wound up and looking for some way to release anger. Emily was just...there. I didn't mean to. She didn't even cry. She just lay there and let me hurt her. I couldn't stop myself. I knew I was hurting her, I could see it. But it...it satisfied me. Hearing the noise of my fists connecting with her flesh was satisfying. I struck her repeatedly, searching for new spots to hit. I slammed my fist into Emily's stomach and heard her draw in a sharp breath but I never hesitated with my blows. I continued my abuse, the first bruises already starting to show. The faint purplish marks didn't even make me pause. Suddenly my fist caught her cheek with some amount of force and she skittered back. I advanced forward but I could only stop when I heard Emily start to sob. I was horrified at myself. I had hurt her. I had hurt the girl that I loved.

She packed up and left that night. She told me she loved me but that she couldn't live in fear. I ran after her. I begged her to stay but she just shook her head and walked away from me. She was sobbing but now...now it wasn't my job to comfort her. That privilege had been torn away because of a moment of anger. Unable to watch her leave, I fled to our...no, _my _room and slammed the door. I collapsed in a heap on the floor before letting the floodgates open. The tears flowed down my cheeks freely as I buried my face in a pillow and did the only thing I could at that point. I screamed. The noise sounded horrible, even to my own ears. It was strangled and anguished, the noise a zebra would make as a lion delivered the death bite. I didn't sleep at all that night, just lay sobbing and listening to depressing songs on repeat.

/

The next few days were a blur. I alternated between crying hysterically and sleeping. Even when I slept, I was never peaceful, never totally at ease. Mainly because Emily haunted my dreams. I would wake up yelling for her to come back. On the fourth day I finally stopped crying, there were no tears left – almost as if I had struck a truce with them. I sat, knees tucked to my chest as I stared at a fixed point on the wall. I had been doing it for hours and it was somewhat peaceful. Nothing was dulling the heartbreak of Emily leaving but this was muffling my guilt over abusing her a little. A little being the operative words – not enough to make it even slightly bearable. There was a confident knock at my door and, for one thrilled moment I entertained the thought that Emily had came back to me. But then Spencer's voice echoed through the entire house. "Alison! Open this door right now!" She yelled. I stood up for the first time in maybe seven hours and winced at the cramp I felt. Then I realised that Emily would probably be hurting for days because of me. That started my bottom lip trembling so I quickly swung aside the door to let Spencer in. "Ali! What the hell did you do to Em?" Spencer snarled.

I shuddered, not because of Spencer's anger but because I still hadn't forgiven myself for doing that to Emily. "Is-is she alright?" I asked, my voice cracking pathetically. At the weak sound of my own voice, I took a deep breath and straightened my back. Alison DiLaurentis was not pathetic. I could cry when I was alone.

Spencer's face barely showed a flicker of emotion and I thought fleetingly that she was exactly like her mom in that aspect. "She's a wreck. But physically? Just bruises." She answered voice sharp and cold as ice.

I blinked back tears repeatedly then steeled myself determinedly. "And-and not physically?" I asked, reciting a mantra in my head – _'Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.'_

"She's cried non-stop for four days. She won't let anyone near her. She's stopped eating and we can barely get her to drink anything. Like I said she's a wreck." Spencer said calmly as if she was reporting the weather.

Spencer's matter-of-fact attitude suddenly made me angry. Angry at Spencer for being so blasé about it all, angry at that guy for making me so infuriated that I took it out on Emily and, most of all, angry at myself for putting Emily in that state. "So why the hell are you here? Go! Help her for god's sake!" I screamed at Spencer, incredibly worried for Emily.

Spencer took a step back instinctively. "How can I? She won't let anyone near her because of what you did!" She spat hotly.

It was like someone hit me in the chest. No one did, of course, but the pain and guilt was so fierce I could physically feel it. Then in my head, I multiplied my own pain hundreds of times and realised that this was how Emily felt. I almost came undone at that but managed to swallow my tears as I looked Spencer in the eyes. "Go. Get out. Get away from me Spencer. I don't want to see you." When Spencer still didn't move, I growled at her. "GET THE HELL OUT!" I barked violently. I went to lunge for her but she was at the door in a flash.

"Fine. I'm leaving. But Ali...she _used_ to love you. She did." Spencer put painful emphasis on the word 'used'. The iciness of her words cut into me like a thousand blades as she walked out and slammed the door behind her. I slid down the door to curl up pitifully on the floor. A choked whimper slashed through the silence of the house as I began to cry again.

/

Hours later, I felt like I couldn't shed tears any longer. So I rose, albeit shakily, and took a shower. I changed into some cleaner clothes since I had had my old sweats on for days. Slowly, I walked into the bedroom. Although I had spent four days straight in there, Emily's scent assaulted me as soon as I set foot in the room. It was so potent I actually took a step back before I forced myself back in. Carefully, I sat on the bed and gave a long sigh. I had cried myself out and now I just felt hollow. Across the room, something glinted at me so I heaved myself up and stumbled over. An old necklace of Emily's that she must have left. I swallowed as my shoulders started to quake with dry sobs. I flung the necklace aside and stumbled blindly out of the room. I finally collapsed on the sofa and started to think. My thoughts naturally went straight to Emily and instead of killing myself worrying about her, I found myself examining the differences between us and why we shouldn't have worked as a couple.

I was cold and bitchy most of the time but Emily was always warm and compassionate to those that deserved it...even those that didn't. I supposed that I would always think of her that way, as being inexplicably kind. She offered anyone her help and got emotionally invested. I didn't. I had always been the girl who would breeze right by people who were hurt or crying. In fact, I was the girl that made them cry. But when I was with Emily, her warmth seemed to thaw me out. I was different around her, happier and more open. I was less mean.

Where Emily was shyer and more timid, I was bold and liked to go in all guns blazing. We sort of countered each other there. Emily stopped me from being too reckless and doing things I'd regret while I pushed Emily to go outside her comfort zone and try things that I thought she'd enjoy. She had stopped me from drinking until I couldn't walk. I had introduced Emily to horseback riding. And when both of us got the balance between cautiousness and daring just right, it did feel magical, because we had changed each other for the better.

I was apathetic, never recognized others' pain or heartache. Emily, however, cried for others and did everything she could to help them but kept her own misery silent. I would pass others and scowl or make snide, bitchy remarks. I would never wonder about the secrets that lay beneath the surface. Emily would consider everyone's feelings before her own and peel away people's layers until she got to the true person below. She did exactly that with me. She worked at me until she had chipped down all my defences and burrowed into my heart. That's why it devastated me that she left...even if it was my fault.

By this time, dusk had fallen and I was sitting in utter darkness. I didn't particularly care about that so I just sat, staring into the blackness. I couldn't help but think it was metaphorical. Without Emily, I was left glaring into the darkness that threatened to swallow me up. I continued my musing, trying not to think too much of what Em would be doing now. Emily and I were always so different, almost polar opposites but somehow we worked. I was outgoing with an abundance of confidence. Emily was shy and timid. I was cold and calculating where Emily was open and honest. I worked hard to keep everyone at arm's length but Emily wore her heart on her sleeve. We contrasted but complimented each other. Simply put; one of us couldn't exist without the other. Or so I had thought.

The next morning, Spencer visited again. I opened the door forcefully, ready to scream at her again when I caught sight of her face. She looked sombre. _What the hell had happened? Was it Emily? Was she alright? _I thought immediately, letting her in. "Spencer..." I said in an almost pleading voice.

"Ali, Emily's getting worse. She's started having...flashbacks of it, she won't speak to any of us and she's literally showing no emotions. We think she's got post traumatic stress disorder." Spencer said a lot gentler than before.

I staggered back in disbelief. I knew that I had hurt Emily badly but PTSD? I had caused that? I sat down heavily and Spencer sat next to me. "Alison...I know you probably feel guilty but I think Emily needs to see you." She said slowly. I agreed quietly and finally we left. I went to do something that might actually help us both.

/

A little while later, I found myself crouched in front of an almost catatonic Emily. I couldn't help but frown. "Emily? Em, it's Alison." I got no reply. I watched her in horror. She was just lying in one position and the only acknowledgement I had gotten was a blink of her eyes. That blink drew my gaze up to the purple-black bruise around her left eye and I felt the guilt wash over me again. "Emily, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it, I really didn't. I was just so angry. I know it was wrong, I'm sorry." I apologized, the words spilling out of me in a rush. Again the only response I received was a blink. Spencer frowned from the doorway.

"This has been working occasionally." She said before blaring a piece of rock music. Emily sat up straighter and managed one word.

"Alison," fell from Emily's lips before she sunk back down to return to her earlier position.

I frowned softly at Spencer then at Emily. I couldn't deal with this. I muttered out an excuse and strode out quickly, heading home without a backwards glance. I regret leaving because that was the last time I would see Emily Fields for six years.

/

Six years later, I sat on a wooden bench, just watching people walk by. I smiled serenely and gave a small wave as I spotted Aria who was dressed in a long, royal blue dress. Aria smiled back and continued on. Then Spencer passed me and gave a sympathetic grimace. I shrugged and waved her on as I smiled faintly at Hanna who looked stunning in her pale pink sheath dress. Once all three had passed, I leant back against the bench, sighing heavily. This wasn't happening. I ran my hands over my face and let out a breath. I looked up and smiled faintly as a small, white cat appeared from the bushes. A jet black one scampered after it and playfully tackled it. They rolled over together a couple of times and for a split second; I saw Emily and I doing that exact action after a play fight. I swallowed heavily as another cat padded out. This one was a pale tortoiseshell colour and glared at the snowy one. They curled their lips back and growled at each other while the sooty black one leapt up and sat nearby. The tortoiseshell and white cats suddenly began to fight fiercely, their claws slashing at each other. I frowned deeply and stood up, walking away from the cats, leaving the two cats to settle their differences.

Tentatively, I set foot into the building where my worst nightmare was taking place. I walked into the correct room and immediately four pairs of eyes swivelled to look at me. I gave a small smile. "Let's get this show on the road?" I asked, trying to hide the waver in my voice. Hanna and Aria nodded but Spencer just shot me a sympathetic glance. I sighed and finally raised my gaze to her. To Emily. We locked gazes for a brief, electric moment and then the music began, pulling us out of the moment. We let Emily walk out first and then we followed. Carefully, I gathered up Emily's train and got ready to stand by and watch as the love of my life married another woman. There was nothing I could do...no, there was nothing I would do. Because Emily Fields deserves a woman a hell of a lot better than me.

**A/N: So! How was that guys? Did you enjoy it? Hate it? Or both? Review and let me know please! :D x**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Someone requested I do this so I figured I would treat them! So this is dedicated to PrincyJessie for that request and also to MantanaGleek for being such an amazing support to me! Enjoy :D**

I thought it would be amazing. Everything I had ever dreamed of. But it was totally different. I thought that marrying Kali would make me happy. It did at first. I had the big white wedding with my father walking me down the aisle. Then I had the huge reception with music blaring and people dancing. I was happy then. I danced, I sang along to every song and I mingled with the guests. After Kali and I had our first dance the faster paced music started to play. I had insisted on two songs because I loved the film they were in.

When the first song came on I couldn't help but smile. I saw Spencer, Aria and Hanna all laugh incredulously then my eyes met Alison's. I held her gaze for a second then flinched and looked down. The lyrics at that moment seemed to sum up my exact feelings for Alison and I found myself mouthing them. "I was angry and sad when I knew we were through. I can't count all the times that I've cried over you."

Alison caught that and nervously bit her lip. She couldn't deny that Emily's song choice was freakishly good for them. She half turned away then turned back as if she had just made a decision. She strode over to Spencer determinedly and said something softly to her. I frowned slightly but shook my head and walked away. I was married to Kali. What Alison did didn't affect me anymore.

I was wrong though. It clearly did. Because a few minutes later, after Mamma Mia and Honey, Honey had finished, Alison appeared on the stage. I looked up at her, eyes wide and imploring. I was practically begging her not to do anything. But Alison simply smiled quite charmingly and announced into a microphone, "I have another gift for the happy couple." She said, her voice taking on a mildly bitter quality on the last words. She cued the band as if it was perfectly planned and they began to play. I immediately recognized the song and let out a gasp, unable to pull my eyes from her. I couldn't believe she was doing this.

Alison looked up and smiled sadly. "I don't wanna talk about the things we've gone through. Though it's hurting me, now it's history. And I've played all my cards." She sang softly, filling the silent room with her voice. People exchanged panicked glances including Aria and Hanna. Spencer however, sat to one side, watching Alison calmly. I couldn't help it. I sort of drifted forward to watch her.

"And that's what you've done too. Nothing more to say, no more aces to play. The winner takes it all, the loser standing small. Beside the victory, that's her destiny." Alison locked gazes with me as she sang and I swallowed heavily. Still everyone looked horrified apart from Kali. She looked plain angry. Yet I still watched Alison as I saw one tear fall from her eye.

"I was in your arms, thinking I belonged there. I figured it made sense, building me a fence, building me a home, thinking I'd be strong there. But I was a fool, playing by the rules." The emotion was raw in Alison's voice and I suddenly felt guilty. She was still heartbroken after six years. The murmurs had started now but I didn't register them. I stood, frozen as Kali pulled at my arm, trying to move me away.

"The gods may throw a dice, their minds as cold as ice and someone way down here loses someone dear. The winner takes it all, the loser has to fall. It's simple and it's plain, why should I complain?" Alison sang. And then I realised what she was doing. She was trying to let me know that she was letting me go. Letting me spend my life with Kali. And that's what made my tears fall. I gazed at Alison and she continued, her voice never wavering despite her tears.

"But tell me, does she kiss like I used to kiss you? Does it feel the same when she calls your name? Somewhere deep inside you must know I miss you. But what can I say? Rules must be obeyed." Alison conceded, gesturing softly to Kali. I drew in a breath, trying to swallow my tears back.

"The judges will decide. The likes of me abide. Spectators of the show always stay in love. The game is on again. A lover or a friend, a big thing or a small – the winner takes it all." Alison hummed softly. I wrenched my arm free of Kali's grip as I watched Alison intently, desperate to do something but I could only stand numbly and watch.

"I don't wanna talk if it makes you feel sad and I understand you've come to shake my hand. I apologize if it makes you feel bad. No self confidence, but you see – the winner takes it all. The winner takes it all!" Alison finished dramatically but still softly. I gasped for a breath as I tried to say something but Alison shook her head at me.

"No, Emily. Goodbye." She said simply and walked away. I cried myself to sleep that night. I cried over Alison DiLaurentis for the first time in six years.

/

A few months after that, Kali and I were driving back from Tennessee after visiting my parents when she turned to me. "Emily, you know I've always wanted to be a singer?" She asked.

"Yeah." I said, focusing on threading our way through the traffic.

"Well, I got offered a recording contract in L.A! I want you to move with me." She beamed. My head whipped round and I gazed at her in disbelief before turning sharply and pulling into a parking lot.

"What?" I asked in horror. Sure, I was pleased that Kali got a recording contract but I couldn't leave everyone behind and move over 2000 miles away!

"We're moving to L.A." Kali said firmly.

"Kali I-I'm not moving!" I said quickly and desperately. By this time, Kali was out of the car. I followed her out and we just glared at each other for a minute. Our relationship had been strained for a long time now and this was just the tip of the iceberg.

"Well I'm not staying! Everyone knows everyone in Rosewood! I feel trapped!" Kali retorted irately. Anger spiked in me and I laughed derisively.

"You in a trap? You in a trap? Jesus Christ, don't make me laugh!" I growled.

"Yes! And I'm sick of seeing all your little friends around! You shouldn't be spending time with them – just with me!" Kali snarled.

I let out a disbelieving scoff. "This is ridiculous! I'm not your lapdog Kali and I shouldn't need to conform to your ideal perfect little stereotype!" I spat.

"Well you certainly didn't mind being my lapdog after Alison dumped you!" Kali snapped, making me step back for a second.

"Alison didn't dump me!" I barked furiously. I raised my fist and Kali shied away so I turned slightly and started to pound the car's framework until my knuckles bled. I turned away and let out a grunt of pain, shaking my injured hand.

"Can we go home now?" Kali asked coolly. I glared at her and stepped into the car, slamming the door.

/

For the next couple of days things between Kali and I were horrible. We were cold and dry towards each other and barely spoke. I had arranged to go out with Hanna, Aria and Spencer later. Alison had ignored my call. That stung more than I would admit. But when I informed Kali of my plans she flew off the handle yet again, all her built up anger from the past few days surging out in terrifying waves. "You, Emily, are not leaving this house! How do I know you're not hooking up with all three of them behind my back?" Kali snarled.

"What? That's crazy, Kali. They all have boyfriends and I wouldn't do that!" I replied, my own annoyance coming to front now.

"Oh sure you wouldn't! Because Emily Fields is just perfect in every single way, isn't she?" Kali snapped.

I raised my eyebrows. "You know what Kali? I'm nowhere near perfect but god knows you aren't either!" I yelled, suddenly raging.

"At least I'm not weak!" Kali shrieked at me.

My heart dropped. She wouldn't dare use that against me, would she? She couldn't be talking about that. "And what's that supposed to mean?" I said, in an almost dangerous tone. My eyes flashed warningly. I couldn't ever remember being this angry. Kali was just twisting my words and being downright mean now.

"Oh you know what it means Emily." Kali growled, seemingly unfazed by my tone. Her face was contorted in anger, cheeks flushed and mouth set in an almost permanent snarl.

"I don't think I do. Now, I'm going out with my friends and if you come any closer to me, I'll scream." I threatened calmly, moving to turn for the door.

Kali stepped forward and tried to grab my wrist. "Emily..."

I made good on my threat. I snapped my head round to face Kali then screamed. It came out louder and more high pitched than I expected but Kali jumped back and covered her eyes. I strode out, desperate to cool off somewhere.

Soon I was sitting at a bench, my head in my hands as I attempted to calm down. I decided that I was being unreasonably angry as of late and that I needed to just cool off. Being locked in a house all day every day with Kali was certainly not helping. She knew every dark secret I had – not that I had many. But she could use them all against me. She knew my vulnerable areas and she would prod at them until I snapped. I knew she would. Eventually, once I thought I was calm enough, I headed home, although it didn't feel like a home anymore.

/

When I got in, Kali was sitting, waiting for me. I found it a little unnerving but I simply kicked off my shoes, dumped my jacket and sauntered in, determined that I wouldn't rise to any bait she dangled in front of me.

"Emily..." Kali said softly and for a moment I thought she was going to apologize. "You are a weak, pathetic little girl, you know that right?" she hissed venomously. Never mind that thought then.

I said nothing, just turned away from Kali and started to put away dishes. She growled from behind me.

"Emily! Did you hear me? I said that you are pathetic. Imagine letting her abuse you like that! How idiotic do you need to be? God! You know what; I've never met a weaker girl except maybe Alison." The name literally had a horrible effect on me.

"Never talk about her like that." I snarled as I turned.

"Or what? What'll you do? You're weak remember? Weak and pathetic. No one needs you." Kali sneered back.

I let out a terrifying scream that sounded almost animalistic. Grabbing the top of a chair, I swung it around and smashed it off a wall, watching in mild satisfaction as it shattered, and landed on the floor in a pile of crushed wood. The wall had a massive dent in it but I couldn't care less. I looked up at Kali who was now standing, glaring at me as she pretended that she hadn't jumped.

"Weak am I?" I screamed at her. Kali simply smirked at me and I lunged for her, my fist raised.

"Go ahead, hit me." She growled.

I let my fist drop. "Oh, you're not worth the trouble it would take to hit you! You're not worth the powder it would take to blow you up!"

"Fuck you Emily. Fuck you and your stupid obsession over a girl who clearly hates you since she beat you up quite effectively!" Kali yelled. I felt white hot anger sear through me at that and I turned on my heel, sprinting to the front door and kicking it open before running for the woods desperately. I had no idea where I was going. Just that I had to get out. I could hear Kali thundering after me and I let out a terrified yet furious sob. My foot snagged on a root but I managed to catch myself before I went sprawling.

Kali was gaining on me however so I sped up, stumbling blindly through the trees. "Leave me alone Kali!" I yelled to her. She shouted something inaudible back.

I saw a lake and slumped at a tree next to it. I gave up and let Kali catch up. "Emily, come back to the house and we can talk." She said, seeming calmer now.

"No." I answered firmly. "I'm not going anywhere with you." I closed my eyes and waited for Kali to leave. Eventually I heard her footsteps receding away from me and I opened my eyes again. This was ridiculous. I stayed slumped against the tree trunk, a slight plan forming in my mind.

/

Dusk had fallen long ago and I was now sitting in darkness. I checked my watch and then rose to my feet shakily. I walked back to the house quietly and opened the door, making an effort to be hushed. I entered our bedroom, scooping up some of my stuff and packing it into a small holdall silently. I wrote a small not to Kali who lay on the bed, passed out with a bottle of vodka next to her. I lay the folded piece of paper on the bed and disappeared out of the door, casting a relieved glance around. I padded downstairs and picked up my phone before dialling a number and placing the phone to my ear. "Did I wake you?" I asked softly when they picked up their phone.

After they answered, I let out a breath. "I need you. Can I come over?" And that was all it took. I hung up a few seconds later and walked out, my bag slung over my shoulder as I left my life with Kali behind. Hopefully forever.

/

Soon I was knocking on the door, my other hand running over my face continually. I knew I looked a state – dark circles under my eyes, mascara streaks down my cheeks and bleeding, red raw knuckles, but when she answered she simply took my hand and pulled me inside. "Emily, what happened to you honey?" She asked quietly.

"Kali and I...we fought. I was punching the car and smashing chairs. I-I don't know why I did it." I whispered. Carefully, she scooped me into her arms and I felt myself being enclosed in an embrace I hadn't felt in years.

"I missed you Alison." I murmured. "And she was saying stuff about you," I felt Alison stiffen but she said nothing. "And I-I just lost it Ali. And then we were screaming at each other and I ran. Then, when it was dark and she was asleep I packed and I came here. I'm so sorry." I said softly, crying now. Alison shushed me gently and stroked my hair, kissing the top of my head reassuringly.

I realised what she had done and looked up slowly. Alison seemed to realise as well since she froze in slight horror. "I'm sorry Em, I didn't mean to, I just-" I cut her off by leaning up and lightly brushing my lips against hers.

"Alison, I made a mistake marrying Kali. In fact, I made a mistake leaving you in the first place. I love you." I murmured softly.

Alison couldn't help the beam that spread across her face as she leant down to capture my lips again but not before she whispered back, "I love you too Emily." And then our lips met in the most perfect kiss I've ever experienced. In that moment I knew that everything would work out between us somehow.

**A/N: Okay that's this fic definitely finished with now! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and drop a review please? :3 x**


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